The Senior thesis is almost correct, but the Master/Doctor are quite wrong, it should be:
Senior
Submitted to
the Department of Information Science,
Faculty of Science, The University of Tokyo
on XXXX XX, 20XX
in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements
for the Degree of Bachelor of Science
Changes needed:
Missing one comma, removing one 'the' and uppercasing one 'The'
Master
Submitted to
the Department of Computer Science,
Graduate School of Information Science and Technology, The University of Tokyo
on XXXXX XX, 20XX
in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements
for the Degree of Master of Information Science and Technology
Changes needed:
Missing one department, missing graduate school, uppercasing one 'The' and correcting the degree.
Doctor
Submitted to
the Department of Computer Science,
Graduate School of Information Science and Technology, The University of Tokyo
on XXXXX XX, 20XX
in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements
for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Computer Science
Changes needed:
Missing one department, missing graduate school, uppercasing one 'The' and correcting the degree.